It's always about sex with you, ain't it? <3
In my opinion, it sounds like one could convert this into a song, moreso than your other works (with a few exceptions).
I approve of your sexiness.... in writing i mean or otherwise if you wish it to be so.

Mm, beautiful.

--
[link]

I enjoyed this, especially this section -
"sing the tale of an odyssey,
sway the mermaid’s tail
against the sea; "
The off-centre rhyme (if you know what I mean by that!) really appealed to me
However there were two sections that seemed a teensy bit odd for me. Firstly, the second line, the "seamless hurrying"... I just don't understand what you meant by this. Perhaps it was just an awkward word choice, or there was an intention behind the line that does not translate to the reader?
And secondly the ending, the final two lines seemed out of place, as if they were only there to make sure the reader had gotten the message. I think the poem would actually be much stronger if you took them out entirely!
This would also bring up a third issue, though, about use of the word reverie. I think twice within the poem would be an awkward number of times to use it, since it doesn't quite pull through on a stylistic repetition, but stands out in so few words. So if it was up to me I might suggest you consider that carefully, whether it should be used more or less (I would personally suggest changing the second one to a different word).

Alright! I hope you haven't been put off by how much I wrote, I never am good at brevity when I have an opinion on a subject

--
"Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world." -- Tennyson

i LOVE the imagery you've used. very evocative and astonishingly sensual.

--
The Poetry.. That comes from the squaring off between.. And the circling is worth it.. Finding beauty in the dissonance.. -Tool

*VampireWriters *PoetryPlease *Writers-Workshop ~pakdeviants *ScribeSanctuary

Thank you.

--


_{-
Don't you wanna' know how we keep starting fires?}

I don't mind extensive comments; they make the world go round.


thank you for the comment, I will take it all into consideration.

--


_{-
Don't you wanna' know how we keep starting fires?}

That's alright, hopefully I made some kind of sense

--
"Come my friends, 'tis not too late to seek a newer world." -- Tennyson

Beautifullly crafted. Not only do we have this floating enjambment between each stanza, but there is also the s/t/m alliteration throughout the piece and a judicial use of rhyme.

--
Dangers of Poetry: play it! flip it!

Thank you for the poem.

I thought I abused the purpose of the sound device workshop, though. xD

--


_{-
Don't you wanna' know how we keep starting fires?}